If you haven’t told them you already sleep together most of the time, that might change the way they look at things. But it might just mean they get mad and tell you that you shouldn’t be doing that even when they’re not there to stop you. You’ll have to guess how your parents will respond.

Explaining that you’re in college and that you need to be responsible for these kinds of decisions could be helpful, though it’s easy for them to counter with something like “I can’t control you when you’re not in my house, but you have to follow my rules when you’re under my roof.”

If your parents would be okay with it if you weren’t straight, you might be able to convince them their rules are silly by asking them how they would respond to boys and girls coming to visit if you were gay or bi. Not letting your friends of the same sex stay in your room because you’re attracted to them might seem more clearly unfair to your parents and help convince them to let this friend stay in your room even though you are attracted to him. If your parents say their policies would change depending on your sexual preference, you can point out that this doesn’t encourage you to be very open with them. You might also ask how they would respond to trans guests or, if they cite the possible of pregnancy as a determining factor, guests who are infertile. Even if they acknowledge that there reasoning doesn’t make perfect sense, though, it might not get you anywhere.

Unfortunately, you might just not be able to change their minds. There’s two ways to deal with that. First, you could go along with their decision. Maybe being mature about their decision, and perhaps a little persistent about discussing it, will encourage them to make a different decision in the future. Alternatively, you could just totally ignore them. Depending on your parents, they might just back down, but again, you’ll have to guess about that.

Recommendations: A book about living with someone you’re having sex with, and a book for parents on talking to teens about all kinds of issues related to sex and relationships.

You might, of course, be able to get away with breaking the rules and just having sex in each others’ rooms. It’s possible that some of the people who are supposed to enforce those rules really don’t even care, though it’s always polite to make it as easy as possible for those overlooking rule-breaking by being discreet and giving them less rule-breaking that needs to be overlooked.

It also depends on what the consequences are for getting caught, since if you do break the rules consistently it’s entirely possible you’ll get caught at least a couple of times. If the consequences for getting caught up to a few times are tolerable, you can break the rules until the consequences for getting caught would be worse and then stop breaking the rules.

Of course, that assumes you don’t have respect for the rules, which you very well might, though your question does imply that you probably at least don’t care much for the spirit of those rules. Regardless, you’ve got some other options.

If the rules only apply to some people, like younger students, you might be able to borrow someone else’s room occasionally. You might also be able to rent a room in a local motel, though that is pretty costly and might only be a reasonable thing to do for a very special occasion. If either of your parents live near by, you might be able to take more weekend trips home, though your parents’ rules might not be any better than your school’s.

There are still a couple of other options too. You might take to having sex outside, particularly if you live somewhere with a warm climate. It might take some getting used to, but some people enjoy it a lot. You might also learn to have sex in public places, though if you’re intent isn’t exhibitionism, you’ll want to look for places like abandoned study lounges and dark corners of the library. You can get pretty sexual while staying pretty discreet with some clever positioning (like having a girl in a skirt sit on a boy’s lap) and a little bit of forethought (like cuddling under a blanket while you watch a movie).

Recommendations: Some books about having sex outside and having sex in public places, and a book that might give you some ideas for positions that won’t draw attention to yourselves (and maybe some other fun ideas too).

Don’t give up! We went through something similar. It worked out. Eventually. Though maybe that says mixed things about our credentials for answering this question.

It’s a bit unclear what you’re looking for. Are you just hoping to spend a little more time with her, aiming to get your relationship to be emotionally closer, trying to get her in bed, or looking to start an official relationship?

Regardless, we’ve got some ideas. Of course, the most straightforward and effective thing you could do might be to just tell her how you feel. But we understand if you’re having trouble with that.

So we’d recommend you focus on tangible things you’d like to be different about your relationship. If you’d like to spend more time with her, try to spend more time with her. If you’d like to have more personal conversations with her, start more personal conversations with her. If you’d like to cuddle with her, maybe start by doing something fairly unobjectionable like giving her a hug or back massage and gauging her response.

But maybe even those things are too hard. So here are a few more specific ideas. If you want to spend more time with her, consider stopping by her room before meals to see if she wants to go with you, joining/starting a club you’re both interested in, or inviting her to do fun things, like going to the movies or a campus event, going for a walk, or baking something together.

Or if you want your relationship to get more personal, suggest games/activities that encourage people to talk about themselves, like taking the purity test together (puritytest.org). And if you need a reason to be more physically affectionate, say you’re trying to improve your massage technique and want someone to practice on. But try not to get too creepily manipulative about it all.

Having mutual friends can also be helpful. They’d give you reasons to hang out more with her and find out more about her, and they could be helpful (but also horribly annoying) if they figure out you like her.

Recommendations: A couple of general books about sex and relationships in college.

Condoms are the only contraceptive method that protects you from HIV and other STIs. They are about 87% effective in preventing pregnancy, and can also be used in conjunction with other methods.

You can also be fitted for a diaphragm, a rubber cap that fits over your cervix and is usually used in conjunction with spermicide. Diaphragms are about as effective as condoms, but are reusable.

The birth control pill can have mixed side effects, which can vary by type. If you take them every day at the same time, they are about 98% effective. With less regularity, the effectiveness drops to about 92%.

Other options are a hormonal patch, which is placed in a discreet place on the skin and changed weekly, Nuvaring, a hormone-containing ring which is inserted into the vagina monthly, or Depo Provera, a quarterly shot. These methods require less diligence than the pill, but regular use is still important. Side effects are similar to those of the pill. The ring occasionally can slip out without being noticed. The shot suppresses menstruation, but spotting is common. Used correctly, the patch and ring are 98% effective, the shot 99%.

The morning after pill (Plan B) is available if you have unprotected sex or if your condom breaks or slips. It can be used up to 72 hours after intercourse, though it is more effective if used sooner. Plan B is less effective than other methods and often causes nausea and other unpleasant side effects, so it shouldn’t be used as primary contraception.

You can also have an IUD inserted. The procedure places a small t-shaped device in the uterus. There are two IUDs available; one lasts five years and releases hormones, which thicken cervical mucous and thin the uterine lining, the other lasts ten and contains copper, which kills sperm. IUD insertion is painful, and IUDs can cause prolonged spotting, worsen cramping, or make your period irregular. The copper IUD is 99.2% effective and the hormone-releasing IUD, the most effective contraceptive on the market, is 99.8%.

College health services offices usually have a variety of these contraceptives available, along with STI screenings, often for free. Health services can also often provide information and counseling services, and refer students to local doctors and clinics for services the school can not provide, like IUD insertions and abortions, which school health plans may at least partially cover. Condoms and lubricants are also often available in other locations around campuses, like dorms.

Planned Parenthood clinics provide many of the same products and services for free or affordable prices.

Recommendations: A couple of birth control options and a book about how to practice safer sex while keeping it hot.

You should try to think of your kinks as perks rather than things that your partner needs to tolerate and to bring up to your partner in this light. You should also keep in mind that toys generally aren’t particularly weird, as far as sexual interests go, though interest in some particular toys may be a little less common.

You should try to just bring it up (“How do you feel about sex toys?”), try to find some way to bring it up casually in conversation if you can’t bring it up upfront (“Have you seen this vibrator that plugs in to an iPod and goes with the rhythm?… Doesn’t that sound like fun?”), and try to broach the subject more generally before you talk about it more specifically (“Would you use sex toys?” before “I have handcuffs in my dresser!”).

If you already have a sex toy, you could always just pull it out some time, but that’s probably more likely to put off your partner if they’re not into the idea, so be cautious with that approach.

Recommendations: A couple of sex toys you could try (there is a huge variety of sex toys available just from amazon) and a basic guide to sex toys.

STD means sexually transmitted disease while STI means sexually transmitted infection. STI is a bit more inclusive, so it a little more clearly reflects all the things one should worry about sexually transmitting.

Recommendations: Two books about STDs and one book about safer sex.

It sounds like it’s unlikely that either of you has an STI, which would make it okay for you to stop using condoms if you’re comfortable with how effective birth control pills alone are and you trust your partner to continue being monogamous.

It wouldn’t be a terrible idea for you to get tested, though. It’s possible that you could have gotten an STI from your previous partner despite using protection. Non-penetrative skin to skin contact, a broken condom, and contact with bodily fluids can all sometimes be enough to contract an STI.

It might also be a good idea to make sure that your current partner’s definition of “virginity” means that they have not participated in any risky activities. Anal sex is not always counted toward virginity but can certainly spread STIs. Performing oral sex on a male can also pose some risk.

Recommendations: A general book about STDs, some condoms to keep using until you get tested, and another book about STDs.

Flirting is intentionally ambiguous. That is why it can be horribly aggravating, but that is also why it can work so well.

Escalating ambiguous affection leaves neither party awkwardly rejected, but gives both parties a chance to cool it off if they aren’t as interested as the other.

And eventually ambiguity can escalate into something less ambiguous. Even hugs and kisses can be played as friendship, but as neither person breaks off a hug and the kisses grow more frequent, a mutual recognition becomes more apparent.

If you can’t tell if she’s romantically interested, you could try flirting a little more obviously with her. If she doesn’t respond well, back off and try to be friends. If she flirts more, you’re probably in good shape.

But that’s all so complicatedly non-verbal. Why not just say something?

Also, there’s no one thing to point to that would prove it’s romantic, but it might give you a better idea if you ask a friend who’s around the two of you what it seems like to them.

Recommendations: Three books about sex and relationships on college campuses: one about the culture of hooking up, one general guide to sex and relationships, and one collection written by college students.

If you know that a relationship between you and your roommate is not a possibility (they are in a monogamous relationship, you are of a gender—or any other category—that they are not attracted to, you know you would not be able to handle that situation, or you’ve actually discussed it), then it’s a no-win situation that you’re just looking to make the best of.

If they don’t know, it’s rather unlikely telling them would do anything productive, unless you two are ridiculously committed to having an honest friendship or you know that they’d take it well and it would really help if you could explain why you need them to stop changing in front of you. Aside from not making it worse though, there’s not much productive you can do except patiently waiting it out.

You can try to find someone else to be attracted to, you can avoid anything particular that sets your feelings off, and you can try to put a little more distance between you and your roommate (though you shouldn’t blow them off if they’re your friend). If it’s really terrible, you could talk to an residence director and see if that’s a good enough reason to switch rooms, though then it might be hard to avoid telling your roommate what’s going on.

If a relationship is a possibility, your prospects still aren’t that great. Prying a bit without saying anything could prove that it’s not a possibility, avoiding some strife and maybe helping you get over it. Otherwise, you could not tell them, and keep suffering, or tell them, and likely just make everything awkward.

There are two possible positive solutions, though. First, they could tell you they’re not interested, but take it well, and then maybe your crush will fade. Or they could tell you the feel the same way, and you could have a wonderfully convenient relationship. But even if they do reciprocate, that’s no guarantee things will be great. Inadvertently jumping to the room-sharing phase of a relationship could make things complicated.

Recommendations: A book about living with someone you’re in a relationship with (if it might come to that) and two general guides to sex and relationships in college.