While some people hold that it is oppressive, to both animals and people, to not condone their mating, and others hold that having sex with an animal is not as bad as killing it for meat or fur, most agree that bestiality is inappropriate because the animal can never consent.

Recommendations: A book on bestiality.

Because it resembles dipping a teabag into a cup of hot water, teabagging is the act of a man placing his testicles in the mouth or on the face of another person, usually repeatedly. It is often used in a BDSM context to show dominance or for humiliation. Teabagging has also been used in hazing. The term was made more widespread by its use in transgressive cult filmmaker John Waters’ film Pecker. Simulated teabagging is also used in video games, performed by repeated squatting over the face of a dead opponent, as a sort of victory dance.

Recommendations: John Waters’ movie, Pecker, which popularized the term teabagging (also just a great movie by a great director).

Double penetration can refer to two different things. Two orifices can be penetrated at the same time with penises, toys, or fingers or one orifice can be penetrated by two penises or toys at once. Either act should be fairly safe as long as proper precautions are taken.

Penetrating either the vagina or anus with two objects simultaneously could cause your skin to tear if you are not used to anything so large. It may be a good idea to gradually work up to objects larger than a single penis or dildo beforehand. You could use a larger toy, a hand, or a combination of penis and small toy. Lubricant is also a good idea.

The friction generated when two condoms rub together is often enough to tear one or both of them, so two males wearing condoms can not penetrate the same orifice without compromising the effectiveness of the condoms.

As usual, if you decide not to use condoms, anyone who has been previously sexually active should be tested for STIs and any females involved should be on some other form of birth control. A sex toy used without a condom should be washed well with soap and hot water before and after use.

Simultaneous penetration of the anus and vagina may facilitate the entrance of bacteria from the anus into the vagina or urinary tract. If you do this, be sure to urinate soon after sex to wash out bacteria, something that is always good to do, and to be on the lookout for signs of infection.

And, for emotional safety, be aware that the wall between the vagina and rectum is thin. If one man is penetrating the anus and another is penetrating the vagina, they’ll be able to feel each other.

Recommendations: A book of stories about double penetration, an anal sex starter kit, and an anal sex guide for couples.

Anal sex can include a bunch of things. It can mean inserting a penis, dildo, or other object into the anus. It can mean anilingus (anal-oral sex). And it can mean stimulating the outside of the anus. We’ll focus on penetration with a penis or dildo but touch on others.

It should also be noted that anyone can participate in anal sex: anyone can use a dildo and anyone can enjoy being penetrated. That doesn’t mean that everyone will, just that there are no groups, like straight males or lesbians, that can’t.

Experimenting alone can be educational, fun, and good practice. Fingers or sex toys can be used. The shower can be a good place for this.

As always, communication is important. Partners should be clear on what’s going on and how it’s going to happen.

The receiving partner should defecate before anal sex. Not doing so can make things uncomfortable, unhealthy, or messy. Some prefer to do this a little while rather than immediately before sex. Some use enemas. Some also like to shower.

You should practice safer sex. Use condoms. Anal sex can spread STIs, parasites, and bacteria. Use lubricated or unlubricated condoms, but avoid spermicidal condoms, which can aggravate the lining of the rectum. For anilingus, use dental dams (condoms and plastic wrap can be used for makeshift dental dams).

Use lots of lube, regardless of whether you use a lubricated or unlubricated condom. You will probably want to use more than you anticipate. Unlike the vagina, the rectum is not self-lubricating. Water- or silicone-based lubricants are preferable since oil-based lubricants degrade condoms.

The receiving partner should lead. They should control how much is inserted and the speed of any movement. And, of course, if they say stop, things should immediately stop.

Start small. Don’t start with a penis or large dildo. Start with a tongue or finger. Then use two fingers. Then consider a small dildo or butt plug. This progression can happen over multiple sexual sessions. Use condoms and lube with fingers and dildos. Keep fingernails trimmed. If you are using toys that are not specifically designed for anal use, be sure to hold onto them, since, unlike the vagina, toys can easily slip into the rectum and need to be removed by a doctor.

Relaxation is important. It is against the nature of the anus, but vital to pleasurable anal sex. Starting small, going slow, and staying comfortable with the situation make relaxing easier.

Go slowly. Pause frequently. Let the receiver lead. Stimulate the outside of the anus first. Insert inch by inch. Slowly start moving. Don’t withdraw all the way, since this will make inserting again more difficult.

The receiver might feel like they need to defecate. There is no need to be concerned. Growing accustomed to the feeling my make it less worrisome and bothersome.

Many positions work. Spooning is an easier way to start. The receiver on all fours may prove more pleasurable. The receiver sitting on top of their partner and the missionary position can also be used.

Anal sex can be combined with other things. The penetrative partner can use their hands to stimulate the receiver’s breast, clitoris, or penis. Anal sex can also be performed with fingers or a vibrator during vaginal or oral sex.

Anal sex can be messy and can leave the receiver feeling uncomfortable, but if practiced safely it shouldn’t cause any long-lasting damage.

Before inserting anything that’s been in the rectum into the vagina or mouth, it should be washed thoroughly in soap and water and any condoms should be discarded.

As always, practice improves technique. Frequent practice can also help receivers get used to the sensation, making relaxation easier.

Recommendations: A book on anal sex for couples, an anal sex starter kit, and a simple (and cheap) anal sex toy.

Your girlfriend might be freaked out if you tell her you want Elven role play. And, regardless of whether or not she is freaked out, she still might not be interested (or willing). But unless she happens to miraculously be interested in the same thing and ask first, you will also never get your girlfriend to do it if you don’t ask.

And there are all sorts of other nuances to consider too. Like that knowing for sure that she isn’t interested could make you more or less frustrated about it. Or that she could say yes and you could realize it’s not actually as fun at you’d imagined. Or even that she could agree but want you to indulge a fantasy of hers in return.

But that’s not really answering your question. If you decide the benefits outweigh the risks, approach it calmly. Even if you’re ashamed of it, don’t act like you have anything to be ashamed of (you don’t). But also don’t act like you’re not asking her to do something kind of weird (you are).

You shouldn’t beg and you shouldn’t pressure. Just explain and ask if she’s interested. It’s honorable if she is, and people should try to satisfy their partners, but it’s reasonable if she isn’t. You should also be ready to do things she’s interested in. If you ask other people to indulge you, then it is unreasonable not to be willing to indulge them.

It also might not hurt to try to bring it up a little less directly. If you can start a conversation where you admit your secret fantasies to each other, without the pressure of a direct request about fulfilling them, it might more gently give her a chance to consider your thing. And if she’s sharing too then you’re less vulnerable and there’s more on the table.

But, also, we’re a little confused. What exactly does Elven role play entail?

Recommendations: A book about how to get your partner to try new sexual activities (targeted at men with women) and a deck of role playing scenarios for couples.

Like other things, it’s probably easiest to do it clearly and directly, explaining what you’re interested in doing and asking if your partner is interested or willing. (“I would like to lick whipped cream off your unclothed body. Would you enjoy that or indulge me?”)

Like other things, though, you might be less embarrassed if you can work it into a conversation or word your inquiry as a theoretical question rather than a request. (“Would you ever be into someone eating food off your body?”)

With body chocolate and edible undergarments carried by mainstream novelty shops, your desire to combine food and sex can’t be too uncommon and shouldn’t be too surprising. It’s unlikely your partner will take the question badly, even if the idea doesn’t appeal to them.

Of course, there’s also a wide range or what combining food and sex could mean—with whipped cream, body chocolate, and edible undergarments at the more acceptable end of the spectrum—and perhaps you’re interested in something closer to the other end of that spectrum.

Recommendations: A couple of easy ways to involve food in your sex life, and a book about convincing your girlfriend to try new sexual activities.

We think people should be open with their partners about their sexual needs and desires. And we think partners should be respectful of each other’s kinks even if they aren’t interested or eager to indulge them, though that is an honorable thing to do. But not everyone will respond so well. You run a risk of her not appreciating the idea, and there’s a fair chance she won’t be interested. But maybe she’ll be into it too.

Recommendations: a book about getting your girlfriend to fulfill your fantasies and a book about college sex and relationships.

People are often too concerned with what is “normal.” Although this fantasy is not common, that does not mean it is unhealthy, accept to the degree that it could represent something else, or that it bothers you.

Recommendations: A couple of books about SM and BDSM, to reassure you that there’s a lot of interesting things that people are into.