What should I do if I’m in an abusive relationship?

What should I do if I’m in an abusive relationship?

If someone consistently makes you feel uncomfortable with the things they say or do, particularly if they’ve ignored your requests to change or you don’t feel comfortable asking, this is a serious problem. If your partner is physically or emotionally abusing you, you should try to get out of the relationship and you should seek help.

Is it consensual to have sex with my drunk girlfriend?

This weekend, my girlfriend was drunk and wanted to have sex. I said no then, but now I can’t decide whether I should say no if it happens again. We’ve had sex before, and she said she’s just curious about combining the two sensations, but I still just feel a little weird about it.

Consent can get really complicated, particularly because people can hold radically different views on what constitutes consent.

On one hand, people who should clearly be seen as victims of acts that should clearly be seen as nonconsensual have often been blamed, by courts and disciplinary committees, for doing things such as wearing revealing clothing or not protesting loudly enough.

On the other hand, some policies about what is necessary for consent can become complicated and specific enough that they risk becoming impractical, prudish, or problematic. An interesting starting point for thinking about consent is Antioch College’s consent policy, which became famous in the nineties, praised by some for setting positive standards but criticized by others for exactly precisely those reasons mentioned before.

The original Antioch College Sexual Offense Prevention Policy specifies, among other things, that there must be consent for each new level of sexual activity, that this consent must be verbal or, if non-verbal, use a previously verbally agreed upon cue, and that the person not initiating may not have impaired judgment, which may include alcohol, drugs, and mental dysfunction.

Although later revisions deemed it nonconsensual if any partner was intoxicated, this original policy would permit you to have sex with your girlfriend when she’s drunk, but only if she initiates.

Other student handbooks (and other group’s ideas and policies about consent) tend to echo similar ideas as Antioch’s policy while generally being less strict, particularly in regard to how one can show consent. But sex with someone intoxicated is still often prohibited.

Although these policies allow for a wide range of sexual activity (the Antioch policy is particularly careful in choosing words that make it clear that sex acts can take place between more than two people and avoiding language that excludes BDSM), the policies do still limit what sexual acts are permitted, and not just regarding whether someone’s intoxicated.

One particularly problematic part of some of these policies, suggested in the Antioch policy and stated overtly in some others, says that the mentally challenged cannot give consent. While this protects a group from being exploited, it also, by restricting a class of people from ever having sex, becomes oppressive in its own way. These policies have important ideas, but they’re probably not perfect.

Getting drunk and having sex is an age old tradition and an age old problem. Many adults regularly go out to bars and drink with the intent of finding someone to have sex with. Many of these adults also regret their actions or find themselves taken advantage of.

If you have sex with someone who is drunk, particularly if you are less drunk or sober, you risk disciplinary or legal action if your partner decides that they did not consent. You should be aware of this risk, though whether something is against the rules or law does not necessarily define whether it’s morally or ethically correct, and apparently already isn’t determining your girlfriends actions if she’s underage.

In the end, what’s probably most important is that what consent means is agreed upon by the parties in a sexual relationship. This should be a verbal conversation, and it needs to not be coercive. The conversation can’t happen when you’re drunk, but you may decide that, for you, consent can take place when you are.

What about the choice not to have sex?

While I can appreciate and understand the need for this site, I do hope that you will encourage and make welcome those students who choose not to have sex at a young age.

We’re happy to talk about sex, but we’re also happy to answer questions about other parts of relationships and the choice not to have sex, which is a good way to practice safer sex and a totally reasonable, respectable choice. One of our best friends doesn’t have sex.

Recommendations: A couple of ways for people to stay sexually satisfied without having sex (amazon sells a huge variety of other toys, for men and women, including plenty that look a little subtler).