I have a huge crush on my roommate, what should I do?

I have a huge crush on my roommate, what should I do?

If you know that a relationship between you and your roommate is not a possibility (they are in a monogamous relationship, you are of a gender—or any other category—that they are not attracted to, you know you would not be able to handle that situation, or you’ve actually discussed it), then it’s a no-win situation that you’re just looking to make the best of.

If they don’t know, it’s rather unlikely telling them would do anything productive, unless you two are ridiculously committed to having an honest friendship or you know that they’d take it well and it would really help if you could explain why you need them to stop changing in front of you. Aside from not making it worse though, there’s not much productive you can do except patiently waiting it out.

You can try to find someone else to be attracted to, you can avoid anything particular that sets your feelings off, and you can try to put a little more distance between you and your roommate (though you shouldn’t blow them off if they’re your friend). If it’s really terrible, you could talk to an residence director and see if that’s a good enough reason to switch rooms, though then it might be hard to avoid telling your roommate what’s going on.

If a relationship is a possibility, your prospects still aren’t that great. Prying a bit without saying anything could prove that it’s not a possibility, avoiding some strife and maybe helping you get over it. Otherwise, you could not tell them, and keep suffering, or tell them, and likely just make everything awkward.

There are two possible positive solutions, though. First, they could tell you they’re not interested, but take it well, and then maybe your crush will fade. Or they could tell you the feel the same way, and you could have a wonderfully convenient relationship. But even if they do reciprocate, that’s no guarantee things will be great. Inadvertently jumping to the room-sharing phase of a relationship could make things complicated.

Recommendations: A book about living with someone you’re in a relationship with (if it might come to that) and two general guides to sex and relationships in college.