Why isn’t sex pleasant?

How come sex has to hurt or feel like nothing at all? (I’m female.)

Though popular media would have you think otherwise, there aren’t a whole lot of nerves in the vagina. Consequently, vaginal penetration alone doesn’t feel so great for many women. If you’re still pretty new to penetrative sex, your hymen is probably still stretching and tearing, which can cause pain. Additionally, some women feel pain during deep penetration when the cervix is touched by a penis or dildo.

A good first step is to experiment with lubricants and different kinds of condoms. Using lots of lubricant will minimize tearing of the hymen that may still be occurring and also any discomfort caused by friction from the condom. Silicone based lubricants do not get sticky the way water based lubricants do, and are also safe to use with condoms, so that might be a good thing to try. A condom which is thinner or tighter may also cause less friction.

It’s important that you communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. Some sexual positions will probably feel better than others, so try to experiment and talk to your partner about which you like best. You may find that having your partner stimulate your clitoris or nipples (with fingers, mouth, or a vibrator) during sex helps the vaginal penetration feel better. Experimenting with a dildo on your own or with your partner may make it easier for you to figure out exactly what you like so that you can recreate that when you’re having sex.

Recommendations: A few things you might experiment with to figure out how to make sex more pleasant and pleasurable.