What is BDSM?

I hate to sound naïve, but could you quickly explain BDSM?

BDSM, often distinguished from “vanilla sex,” is triple acronym that stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. It is an umbrella term that includes a wide variety of sexual activities that often overlap and can be practiced with a wide range of intensity, some of which may be erotized rather than overtly sexual. These activities usually take place within a defined “scene.”

Bondage is the use of tying up, handcuffs, or other restraints. Discipline is the use of rules and punishment, which can include physical pain, humiliation, or loss of privileges. Dominance and submission is the control of one party over another. Sadism is gratification from inflicting pain or humiliation. Masochism is gratification from receiving pain or humiliation.

BDSM usually involves unequal roles. Typically, those who are active and in control are known as dominants, doms, tops, or masters and those who are passive and controlled are known as submissives, subs, bottoms, or slaves. Those who may take on both these roles are known as switches.

To keep activities safe, participants in BDSM use pre-negotiation of scenes, safewords, and heightened knowledge of the body’s and mind’s limits. Many measure activities against the yardstick of “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” (SSC). Others hold a more permissive idea of “Risk-Aware Consensual Kink” (RACK), believing that anything done between fully informed, consenting adults is acceptable.

If you’re interested to learn more, the Topping Book and the Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, are two very quick reads that make a good grounding, and for those that are really interested in everything related to BDSM, there is Jay Wiseman’s SM101.

Recommendations: Three great introductory books to Topping, Bottoming, and S&M.