What if my partner can’t orgasm?

What if he can’t orgasm? What is she can’t orgasm?

It depends what you mean by “can’t orgasm.” If someone’s never had an orgasm before, it’s probably just a question of trying different things to figure out what feels good. A lot of people are most comfortable figuring it out by themselves and then helping their partner to do things right, but if you’re uncomfortable with or don’t enjoy masturbation, you can work with your partner to figure things out, though this requires you to feel really comfortable with them and be ready to communicate.

It’s very common for girls to have trouble reaching orgasm during vaginal penetration. Vaginal penetration can be enjoyable without orgasm, but adding other things (like manual and oral sex, clitoral stimulation, and other forms of pleasurable touching) can make orgasm more likely.

If a guy is having trouble reaching orgasm, it might also be solved trying a different type of stimulation or a different position. In both cases, communication and experimentation are important.

If someone can reach orgasm alone but not with a partner, it is probably caused by anxiety. In both males and females, orgasm is largely a psychological process. If you’re worried about “performing” well, it can be hard to focus on how good something feels.

Recognizing that this is the problem, talking to your partner about it, and becoming more comfortable with your partner and body can help. In an aggravatingly backwards way, enjoying the moment and feeling like you don’t have to orgasm can make it more likely that you will. But if the anxiety is overwhelming, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist.

The only common physical cause of this problem in young adults is medication. SSRIs (a class of antidepressants that includes Prozac and Zoloft) make it difficult for a lot of people to reach orgasm. Some girls also find that being on birth control pills makes it harder for them to orgasm. Sometimes switching medication can help.

It’s unusual for young adults to have other physical problems that could inhibit orgasm, but it’s possible, so if you can’t reach orgasm under any circumstances, you should go to your school’s health services or a doctor about it.

Recommendations: Three books on improving orgasm, for men, women, and couples.