Should college students be allowed to share a bed?

I’m the parent of a college student and I think he may be sexually active. When he and his girlfriend visit us, should I let then sleep in the same bed?

We think sharing a bed is okay. We think having sex is okay. Your son and his girlfriend might not be ready, but we think they’re ready to decide if they’re ready. But we realize that you might not agree with us, and we’re not going to try to convince you. There are some other things you should consider though.

You shouldn’t assume that your son and his girlfriend want to share a bed. They might not, and it might make them uncomfortable if you expect them to share a bed, particularly if they don’t usually share one at school. If you decide you’re comfortable with it, present it as an option.

Sharing a bed is also an intimacy separate from sex. Some kids start having sex first. Some kids start sharing a bed first. Some kids do one and never do the other. And you can be okay with one and not the other.

While we might not hold the same values as you, we still think it’s reasonable to ask your son and his girlfriend to respect your values while they’re in your home. They might even keep these values when they’re away, though it might also just make them less likely to visit.

It doesn’t sound like you’re trying to stop them from ever having sex or sharing a bed, which we think is good. Going to college means taking responsibility for these things, and we think students who are mature enough to go away to college are also mature enough to make decisions like these.

Recommendations: A book for parents about talking to teens about sex and relationships.