I’m totally straight. What should I do if my roommate is gay?

I’m totally straight. What should I do if my roommate is gay?

You should be a respective, supportive roommate, of course, treating any same-sexed partners your roommate brings home the same way you’d treat any opposite-sexed partners brought home by a straight roommate. You also might want to let them, totally casually, that you’re straight.

There’s no reason to think your roommate’s attracted to you, and even if they are, it’s common courtesy not to let on to someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings that you’re gawking at or fantasying about them, so it shouldn’t be in your face. It’s also common courtesy to let people who are keeping it out of your face have their fun.

If you’re still uncomfortable, then wear modest clothing, even when you’re going to bed, and change in the bathroom or learn how to get at least your underwear on without taking off your towel. You could also try rearranging your room so it gives you a little more privacy, though if you’re changing stuff dramatically right after your roommate tells you they’re gay, it could be a little obvious and insulting.

Presumably, this sort of modesty is that same way you would act if you had an opposite-sexed roommate who could be attracted to you but who you were not at all attracted to. If not, you probably have some issues you should try to get over, and if they’re going to cause you to make your gay roommate uncomfortable, you should probably do the kind thing for them and try to just switch roommates (though perhaps on the pretext of something else).

If you’re going to act differently towards a roommate because they could be attracted to you, you should really act this way towards any roommate you have, since even a roommate you know regularly has sex with opposite-sexed people could still also be attracted to you. And just as much as that prospect makes you uncomfortable or that it would make you act different towards them, it makes sense they wouldn’t be honest with you about it.

Of course, if your roommate is actively doing something that makes you uncomfortable, like flirting with you or going through your stuff, particularly if you’re tried talking to them about it, you should seek help from someone like a residence assistant or director.

Recommendations: Two general books about sex and relationships in college.