Can I be submissive and a feminist woman?

I’m a heterosexual female, and I like being sexually submissive and passive. I’m also a gender studies major. I’ve been worrying lately about how my sex life plays out negative gender dynamics. So, what do you think?

Gender roles are pervasive, playing out in our lives in all sorts of ways. So we should strive to become more aware of how we enact gender roles and to limit their negative effects. But it’s possible to do that without giving up whatever sex you enjoy. That you’re aware, thinking, and questioning is a great start.

Consciously acting out gender roles can reinforce them (like advertising that plays off people’s desire to be feminine or masculine), but it can also be used to subvert them (like parody) or as a way to work through ones’ feelings about them. It’s also possible for these affects to be neutral and for there to be some other benefit (like your sexual pleasure). You really just need to take a good look at the wider context of your sexual submissiveness and passivity.

Here some things to ask yourself: Did your partner take control automatically or because you expressed that you wanted to be submissive? Do you feel comfortable saying when you’re not interested? Do the same power dynamics play out in other aspects of your relationship? Does it reflect any sexist attitudes you or your partner harbor? Does it make you otherwise feel stronger or weaker?

Recommendations: two books about SM and BDSM.