What’s gender-neutral housing?

What’s gender-neutral housing?

Everyone wants to live with people they feel comfortable with. Sometimes that means living with people of different genders.

Gender-neutral housing options provide students with choices for housing that aren’t based on gender. Such options, increasing at colleges across the country, can help everyone find the housing they find most comfortable, but are particularly important for intersex, transgender, and genderqueer students who feel uncomfortable being paired by gender. Gay students may also appreciate options that allow them to choose roommates they are less likely to be attracted to.

Gender-neutral housing options can mean a number of things, and increasing such options isn’t just about what options are available on a campus, but how they are made available and who they are made available to, like whether there is a bureaucratic petition process for exceptions to policies or if options are limited to returning students.

Increasing gender-neutral options can mean a number of things. It can mean allowing students to choose roommates of a different gender or allowing students to choose to be randomly assigned roommates without consideration of gender. It can also mean making mixed-gender halls and dorms available to students, even if rooms remain single-gender.

Other options are not strictly “gender-neutral,” but have similar affects for making college campuses more comfortable for all students. One option like this is guaranteeing the availability of singles to students who feel uncomfortable being paired by gender. Another is allowing students who identify as neither male nor female to pair with each other, rather than trying to lump such students into these groups.

Traditional housing options create a division between male and female which is not only a disservice to anyone who doesn’t want to be divided, but marginalizing to those who fall outside the division, like students who are intersex, transgender, or genderqueer. Creating gender-neutral options is an important step in making colleges welcoming, safe, and comfortable for such students. Housing policies should reflect schools’ commitments to diversity by being inclusive of everyone.

Increasing gender-neutral options doesn’t mean forcing anyone into a housing situation they are uncomfortable with. Gender-neutral options can remain entirely voluntary. Students who want to live with a particular student of the same gender or be randomly assigned a roommate of the same gender can still be given these options and single-gender dorms and halls can be preserved.

Gender-neutral housing options are being adopted by many colleges, spreading from schools like Bennington and Oberlin to more than 30 campuses across the country, now including Bard, the University of Pennsylvania, Skidmore, Oregon State, and Stanford. These changes have come after student-lead campaigns on campus.

Some general information about gender neutral options is available from the National Student Genderblind Campaign at genderblind.org. Their research on the gender-neutral options available at other colleges is available at http://genderblind.org/research.pdf. A couple articles about Stanford’s program are available at http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2008/april9/gender-040908.html and www.stanforddaily.com/cgi-bin/?p=533.

Recommendations: Three books on gender deviance, intersexuality, and genderqueer.

How should I deal with coursework about sex screwing with my head?

My reading for class is screwing with my head. The sexual feats in myths are making me feel inadequate and Freud is making me feel weird about everything.

College students often face problems like these. Medical students worry they have every disease, philosophy students have existential crises, and literature students start to think its appropriate to describe parts of their lives as Kafkaesque. Doing readings about sex and relationships can have similar affects.

You should work on building up some distance between yourself and the reading you’re doing for class. Keep in mind that what you read isn’t the only point of view and get involved in activities that remind you there’s a real world all around you. Try to mix your reading for class with some pleasure reading.

You should also make friends with some kids from other disciplines who can tell you that the things you are worrying about are stupid and some friends from older classes who can empathize with you and tell you how they got through the same readings.

But if you continue struggling with feelings of inadequacy and confusion, you should also consider finding someone to talk to (like a friend, a parent, a resistant assistant or director, health services, or a therapist) about any deeper issues you could have.

Recommendations: Two general books on relationships and sex for college students.

How would one get into the practice of tantric yoga?

How would one get into the practice of tantric yoga?

If you’ve got lots of money, there are workshops and retreats, which the internet can help you find. If you’re under eighteen though, you might not be able to sign up for some of them.

If you’ve got lots of patience and self discipline, you could buy a book, though many of them may be too theoretical to be very helpful. Youtube has some brief instructional videos and exercises you could watch and follow along with. It’s free and easy, but the quality of instruction may not be as good or consistent as classes.

We’re assuming, since you sent this question to a sex column, that you’re looking into tantric yoga for its sexual benefits. Any yoga class might help you to be more aware of what’s going on in your body. If you can achieve a similar state of concentration toward pleasurable sensations, they may become a lot more pleasurable.

A lot of people associate tantric yoga with delayed orgasms that are intense and long lasting. A very simple way to work toward more intense and controlled orgasms is to stop stimulation when you feel very close to orgasm, wait a few minutes, and then resume. Doing this repeatedly can help you build up to more intense orgasms, show you how much control you have, and teach you to be more aware of other parts of your body when you’re aroused.

Taking slow, deep breaths as you get closer to orgasm gets the rest of your body involved, which usually makes for more intense orgasms. You may be able to achieve what you’re looking for in tantric yoga without it.

Recommendations: Two books about tantric yoga and one book about how couples can learn to have more pleasurable orgasms.

What is an air embolism and how can it be prevented?

What is an air embolism and how can it be prevented?

An air embolism is a condition in which an air bubble gets into the blood stream. This can happen very rarely during medical procedures, and can be fatal if a large bubble reaches the heart, but usually doesn’t cause any problems. Under most circumstances, it’s something that only SCUBA divers need to worry about.

Relevant to sex, pregnant women are warned not to let their partners blow large amounts of air into their vaginas during oral sex. This can very rarely cause an air embolism because there is a lot more blood in the vessels around the reproductive organs during pregnancy, and if the pressure of air in the vagina is higher than that in the blood vessels, air can sometimes enter the vessels.

Vaginal penetration and oral sex don’t put you at risk for an air embolism, whether you’re pregnant or not. If you’re very paranoid, don’t let your partner blow air into your vagina (normal breathing is fine), but really this isn’t something you should worry about.

Recommendations: Two general books about sex and safer sex.

What is the effect of Viagra for women?

What is the effect of Viagra for women?

Some studies have been done to evaluate whether Viagra might have positive sexual effects on women the way it does on men, but results haven’t been promising. When a woman takes Viagra, she may experience some of the side effects of the drug (headache, skin flushing, blurred vision), which occur because it causes some general dilation of blood vessels, but she will not experience improved clitoral erection.

As mentioned in the section on antidepressants and sexual anhedonia, some prescription drugs can be used to improve sexual function in people who experience sexual side effects from antidepressants. Some studies have found that Viagra may be helpful for this purpose in both men and women, although this is still an off-label use of the drug (the drug is not approved by the FDA for this purpose, but doctors may recommend it because there is preliminary evidence that it may be helpful). If you’re considering taking Viagra and you don’t have a prescription for it, please be aware that it interacts dangerously with a number of prescription and recreational drugs.

Are male enhacement products safe?

Is it safe to take Longitude or other male enhancement products?

In short, no.

“Male enhancement” pills are not tested for safety, nor are they tested for effectiveness. Analyses that have been done of pills like this have found mold, E. coli, lead, and fecal matter from animals that graze where the herbs are grown. Is it worth eating that?

Perhaps more importantly, there’s no reason for which anyone should be taking such pills. At most, medications can make it easier to get an erection, and if you’re having frequent trouble with that, you should get yourself to your college’s health services office or a doctor to make sure nothing’s physically or psychologically wrong with you.

But these supplements don’t advertise better erections, they advertise a larger penis. Nothing short of surgery will make your penis bigger, and even that doesn’t tend to work very well. Longitude isn’t being made anymore, but we don’t recommend that you try any male enhancement pills or devices.

Drugs like Viagra are used to treat erectile dysfunction, but are not considered to be male enhancement products. They probably won’t help your erection if you’re young, and can cause unpleasant side effects like bad headaches.

There are a couple things that should make you worry less about length though. Studies where erection has been clinically induced and measured by health care professionals have found an average penis length of just over 5 inches, which is much smaller than averages obtained through self-reported data. Given that the first couple of inches of the vagina are the most sensitive and that the prostate gland is just a couple of inches into the rectum a big penis is unnecessary for purposes of physical stimulation.

Recommendations: A general sex book that can help anyone improve their sex life, regardless of their physical endowments, and something that could help with size issues.

What should I do about sexual side-effects of antidepressants?

My psychiatrist suggests that I try antidepressants, but sexual anhedonia is not one of my depression symptoms, and I am reluctant to risk losing my sex drive. Are there any antidepressants with lower rates of sexual side effects, or, alternatively, supplements or additional medications I can take to mitigate the effects?

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are some of the most effective drugs for treating depression, anxiety disorders, OCD and eating disorders. Unfortunately, they have a high incidence of sexual side effects like decreased sex drive and trouble reaching orgasm.

Fewer than half of people taking SSRIs report sexual side effects, so there is certainly no guarantee that you will have a problem. Side effects of antidepressants are often worst during the first few weeks, and sometimes sexual side effects will clear up entirely after this time. If this doesn’t happen, sexual side effects almost always resolve within days of stopping the medication, so if your psychiatrist believes that an SSRI is the best drug to treat your depression, it is probably worth a try.

If you’ve had a problem with sexual side effects on an SSRI, you should talk to your psychiatrist. There are a few antidepressants which are unlikely to cause sexual side effects, the best known of which is probably bupropion (Wellbutrin).

These drugs do not have sexual side effects because they do not inhibit the reuptake of serotonin. This might also make them less effective, depending on what is causing your depression. They also have different counter-indications (Wellbutrin, for example, lowers seizure threshold, so it is not usually prescribed to patients who may be prone to having seizures).

If SSRIs are the only class of antidepressant you can take or the only class that is effective for you, there are a handful of medications which are sometimes used to try to eliminate sexual side effects. They are all available by prescription only, and all have their own risks and side effects, so a doctor needs to help you evaluate if one of these might be an option for you.

One study found that ginkgo biloba, often sold as a tea or herbal supplement for improving memory (a use which has not held up well in studies), effectively treated sexual side effects caused by SSRIs in a number of patients.

Why this should work is not understood, but ginkgo is available without a prescription, and is unlikely to cause undesirable side effects at low doses, so it may be worth trying. If you’re taking any other medications, it would be a good idea to ask a pharmacist if ginkgo could interact with the other drug.

Recommendations: Two general guides to sex and college sex and relationships.

Is bestiality wrong?

What about bestiality?

While some people hold that it is oppressive, to both animals and people, to not condone their mating, and others hold that having sex with an animal is not as bad as killing it for meat or fur, most agree that bestiality is inappropriate because the animal can never consent.

Recommendations: A book on bestiality.

What is teabagging?

What is teabagging?

Because it resembles dipping a teabag into a cup of hot water, teabagging is the act of a man placing his testicles in the mouth or on the face of another person, usually repeatedly. It is often used in a BDSM context to show dominance or for humiliation. Teabagging has also been used in hazing. The term was made more widespread by its use in transgressive cult filmmaker John Waters’ film Pecker. Simulated teabagging is also used in video games, performed by repeated squatting over the face of a dead opponent, as a sort of victory dance.

Recommendations: John Waters’ movie, Pecker, which popularized the term teabagging (also just a great movie by a great director).

Is double penetration safe?

Is double penetration safe?

Double penetration can refer to two different things. Two orifices can be penetrated at the same time with penises, toys, or fingers or one orifice can be penetrated by two penises or toys at once. Either act should be fairly safe as long as proper precautions are taken.

Penetrating either the vagina or anus with two objects simultaneously could cause your skin to tear if you are not used to anything so large. It may be a good idea to gradually work up to objects larger than a single penis or dildo beforehand. You could use a larger toy, a hand, or a combination of penis and small toy. Lubricant is also a good idea.

The friction generated when two condoms rub together is often enough to tear one or both of them, so two males wearing condoms can not penetrate the same orifice without compromising the effectiveness of the condoms.

As usual, if you decide not to use condoms, anyone who has been previously sexually active should be tested for STIs and any females involved should be on some other form of birth control. A sex toy used without a condom should be washed well with soap and hot water before and after use.

Simultaneous penetration of the anus and vagina may facilitate the entrance of bacteria from the anus into the vagina or urinary tract. If you do this, be sure to urinate soon after sex to wash out bacteria, something that is always good to do, and to be on the lookout for signs of infection.

And, for emotional safety, be aware that the wall between the vagina and rectum is thin. If one man is penetrating the anus and another is penetrating the vagina, they’ll be able to feel each other.

Recommendations: A book of stories about double penetration, an anal sex starter kit, and an anal sex guide for couples.